Let me clarify a few things here for you:

Massage in the first trimester by a trained pregnancy massage practitioner is perfectly safe (almost always)

It is not only safe. It is is beneficial to calm the nervous system when mum may be feeling a little anxious which is common in early pregnancy. The key words here to note- "by a trained pregnancy massage practitioner". Understanding the pregnant body and the physiological changes that occur in each trimester, including potential risk factors and the signs and symptoms that may indicate a risk all ensure that your therapist can treat you safely and with benefit to you and your baby. Most Mama's have no risk factors, but you certainly want to know that the therapist you see can recognise these if present. This allows us to know when it is best to check in with your health care provider first. And that goes for the duration of your pregnancy,  Again, not because massage is 'dangerous'. Simply that we spend a lot of time studying the safety of massage in all stages of pregnancy including the first trimester, so that we will recognise and be confident to make a call in your best interest It may be a simple case of "I would just like you to check in with your health care provider first please", and almost always, a mum is given the green light for massage.

In all the years I have been massaging pregnant Mama's, do you know how many pregnant clients I have had to say "please check first" with? FOUR. On four separate occasions I have had a client contact their Dr or midwife to ask the all clear first as they raised just enough alarm for me to make the decision to check in. (Because of course the health of mum and bub is at the top of my list ALWAYS) On each occasion this happened after a prelim chat, or after I have read through their client notes (that I send in advance to allow time to get to know a Mamas history). Each time, before they even came into clinic, and one right there on the spot as she checked in with her Dr. Do you know how many of them were told "NO. Massage is not a good idea?" Just one. And she never made it to clinic. Our conversation on the phone indicated enough to me to suggest she call her midwife for a check up. My worries/suspicions were confirmed a little later. That afternoon she was in hospital, her and her baby being cared for. She was well into her 3rd trimester. Both mum and bub were snuggling soon after under this care, but that is another story.

Every other Mama was told to go right ahead. …“massage will be great for you”. The primary health carer (Dr, OB or midwife agreed that massage was both safe and beneficial. And four Mamas  (only 1 told no) out of the hundreds I have treated is pretty good odds. I do not tell you this to scare you. But to reassure you...the odds are very, very small that something in your pregnancy will not go to plan, but isn't it important to know that your massage practitioner will recognise alarm bells if you present with them? Not to diagnose you. We are not doctors. Just to refer you to check in with your doctor or midwife. We are there as part of your care team. To care for you. First and foremost.

How does pregnancy massage differ from other massages?

Your practitioner will be trained not only in general massage, but how to relate remedial treatments to your pregnancy and it's specific physical needs. How to help release muscle aches, or improve your comfort in movement, or ease uncomfortable symptoms. How to manage many pregnancy related pain points and help your journey be a little more comfortable. Your therapists knowledge on the pelvis is in depth, and all those muscles we never knew we had before that work together and help your body grow and support your growing baby (and also often cause you discomfort when imbalanced), Blending this knowledge and remedial care with a full body treatment aimed at calming the nervous system and helping you completely switch off and rest is what gives you the best possible treatment tailored to your unique body needs.

*All of this said, this does not mean that your loving partner or friend cannot give you a beautiful relaxing foot rub, neck, shoulder or back massage. Loving touch is it's own kind of medicine as it boosts your oxytocin and connects you at a closer level to that person. Oh so important when they are part of the plan to help you birth, and to raise your baby. I value this so much I even run workshops teaching partners massage techniques that they can use to support you further in pregnancy and birth. To stay connected with you emotionally, and to know real techniques to help you find balance in your body leading up to birth, and manage your pain in labour. Relaxing massage from those we love is always fabulous. It is when you seek massage for full body relaxation AND remedial treatment to support you and ease your aches that I would strongly refer you to therapists trained in pregnancy massage. To ensure they can care for you as you deserve.

Massage can help calm you, ease stress and improve your pregnancy AND birth

That's right, in the early weeks, right up to your day of birth, through your postpartum period and beyond massage can be a fabulous compliment to almost every persons personal choice in how they wish to experience their pregnancy and postpartum year. At any stage, with big changes in your life and hormone overload being your 'norm', studies show that regular massage is beneficial for stress relief, managing anxiety, and can also be beneficial easing depression symptoms. Giving yourself permission to fully relax, being treated by a trained therapist, we are able to help you relax nervous tension which can lead to a happier, healthier pregnancy and lead you into a birth experience streets ahead of a mind and body filled with anxiety and stress.

Beginning your pregnancy with focus on self-care and mindful presence for your baby is a valuable step toward how you want to parent

Practising self care from the very beginning is so valuable to begin the mindset most beneficial in supporting your journey toward Motherhood, the foundation of you being the best mother that you can be. This sacred time allows you to rest, recharge and focus on your own self worth as well as mindfully focus on the tiny human growing within you. Connecting together without the outside chatter of life and work interfering your thoughts. It is also teaching your baby right from the very beginning the importance of relaxation. Stillness.

Your baby will pick up on what is going on with you - the relaxed you and the stressed one. Where you can, choose ‘relaxed you’.

Massage can help you ease aches and mobility problems common in pregnancy

Most of us carry stresses in our body well before we fall pregnant. Depending on our job and lifestyle, common complaints might be neck, shoulders or lower back. Massage can often be very beneficial in helping repair these problems, or at least manage them with pain relief and prevent further progression of problem. If you have not been treating these problem before, finding out you are pregnant may be a perfect time to consider doing so. As your baby grows and your body changes you will often find increase strain on these problem areas, plus added new strains as the growth of baby, displacement of organs, increased tilt in pelvis and weight in abdomen all begin to take effect. The sooner we can begin managing old problems, and bringing balance into your body by releasing problem areas and lengthening short muscles that are creating tension, the less likely you will be to fall down the rabbit hole of excessive discomfort later in pregnancy. Of course this will all depend on your own unique body, but early care can prevent a lot of later stresses. In that first trimester, you just might be okay to still be treated lying on your tummy. Shortly after, side-lying for your massage is important for a number of reasons, no matter how tempting a belly hole is. But we will discuss that another time.

Massage can help to balance your body in preparation for a positive birth ahead

A progressive labour is dependant on many things:

• Mama needs to be relaxed. Studies show that regular massage not only relaxes a person on the table, but improves their general mental health and ability to find calm, and can improves anxiety and even depression some.

• Oxytocin must be high - a progressive labour is dependant on increased oxytocin. Often we hear how labours 'stall' once mum arrives to hospital, often because she feels more stressed. Increasing her oxytocin is important in progressing labour. Oxytocin is our 'feel good' hormone, and nurturing touch makes us feel good. Regular boosts throughout pregnancy are important. Massage is a fabulous oxytocin boost and can regularly support pregnancy - right up to your day of birth with a 'labour preparation' massage. But for now, begin as you intend to progress - feeling good!

• Mama's body needs to be physically balanced and in the best possible position so that her baby can settle in the best position to birth. What does this mean? Every part of your body is connected, and if you are holding tension, particularly in your hips, pelvis or glutes, that tension can make real impact on how your uterus sits. To put it very simply, your baby will grow and then settle comfortably into the space available in the uterus. If your body is not balanced, then that may not necessarily leave bub sitting in the best position for you to manage a progressive birth. In saying that, it is important to remember that there are a lot of contributing factors to birth. A good position is optimal, but with the right support and mindset you can still have a beautiful birth even with bub in a more challenging position. Don't panic if the day comes and this is your story. Put trust in your birth team and what they can do to encourage bub on the day. But wouldn't it be nice if we do everything we can to support your body now to bring best possible balance for you, so your bub CAN find best possible position?

"I was told that massage in the first trimester could risk me having a miscarriage"?

Let me bust that myth right now for you. There is no evidence to show that massage may harm you or your baby at any stage of your pregnancy. The recent finding in a study of pregnant women showed no harm to mum or baby, this study involved all highly trained pregnancy therapists treating pregnant woman from as early as 5 weeks to 42 weeks.

Why is this myth floating around about massage and the first trimester? It hurts me to even write this, and I fear some Mama might worry a little excessively, where they were not before. I truly hope not and this is not my intention. Miscarriages do happen, and they are more common in the first trimester. When they happen, they are devastating to the parents. Massage itself though could not cause a miscarriage, not unless your therapist was doing something very very wrong. Your body is way too smart and protective to allow that to happen. Your baby is protected by the most amazing shield to keep him/her safe, particularly when so tiny in this first trimester, and all the way through.

* A little story about me... at around 7 months pregnant I tripped down the back stairs of our house. Putting my arms out to break my fall, I still impacted heavily and felt my swollen tummy INDENT A LOT! It knocked the wind out of me and it hurt. I would highly recommend against this kind of activity when pregnant, but we all get clumsier and accidents happen. Of course the first and most important thing I did was phone my midwife and tell him what happened. We talked and checked things off and I monitored myself closely over the next few days. I did not have a single cramp, spotting of blood, or any concern at all. I was very lucky and very grateful that my body worked exactly as my midwife assured me - "Try not to panic. Your body is designed to insulate your baby from impact or injury. Be aware of changes or warning signs that we discussed, but do not stress or panic at this point. That adrenal hormone rush can cause you concern too. Lets be smart and attentive, but not stress unless reason to stress develops". Wise words from an experienced midwife.

What to consider when booking your first trimester (or any pregnancy) massage?

1. Is your therapist trained in pregnancy massage, and therefore confident in taking clear history and being aware of contraindications (reasons why they may not be able to massage) and how they can and cannot treat you?

2. Do you have a history of miscarriage or high risk pregnancy? Even so, massage may still be beneficial to you. But please be open with your therapist and communicate clearly with your pregnancy health care provider (Dr, OB and/or midwife). Communicating together, you will make a formidable team in supporting you and your baby and there is a good chance massage may be recommended for you to help manage the added stress you may be feeling around your pregnancy.

3. You can determine if your therapist is trained in pregnancy massage either by asking who they trained with, or hopefully they will display a badge with whom they are associated with. Personally, I chose to invest my time and knowledge training as a NurtureLife® Practitioner with "Pregnancy Massage Australia" who offer the top training in the industry in our country. I have gone on to extend my training in holistic care of the pregnant and postpartum body with Lynn Schulte and the Institute for Birth Healing. I feel confident in my care of Mamas from conception through to birth, and beyond in their postpartum rest and repair. In fact I would also say all my knowledge in the care and treatment of pregnant Mamas has made me a better therapist for ALL of my clients. pregnant of not, both female and male. My knowledge and understanding of ALL bodies and their care has heightened in my journey to learn to care for pregnant Mamas.

A last thought: Mama you deserve the best of care from the very beginning as you grow new life. Your massage therapist is an important part of your healthcare team in keeping your body balanced and preparing you physically and mentally for birth. I encourage you to consider seeking a therapist close to you who understands how to care your growing body and baby.

Being a new parent can be scary and overwhelming, but what happens when you lose your baby? How do you find the strength to go on? In the most basic sense, people grieve the loss of an important relationship when they experience miscarriage, stillbirth, termination or death in the first year of life, regardless of the cause. Mothers (and Fathers) suffer a great deal more than we realise, and chances are you know of parents who are in this position. It is never, ever fair!

This year is particularly hard for me as parents very close to my heart lost their seemingly health baby girl just weeks following her first birthday. There was nothing about this, or any other loss that is fair and trying to find a silver lining or an 'at least' scenario in the loss of such a tiny perfect soul is futile. The entire thing is simply SHIT!

Through supporting women in pregnancy and postpartum, I have listened to mothers who have lost and grieved. I have listened to their needs, and hopefully learned how to support them a little bit better. It is hard to know what to say, but I have learned that saying nothing, as if nothing ever happened, does not help when dealing with grief.

Here are some ways to help support parents who have lost their baby.

How do you know what to say, to not say, or how to say it?

It is okay to acknowledge you do not know what to say, because there is simply nothing you can say to make this better. Remind them that you are there for them, and it is okay for them tell you if they need you to do or say something differently.

Parents do not need to be told their baby is in a "better place". On almost every occasion (except in a rare instance of child abuse), there is no better or more loved place for a baby than in the arms of their mother or father. Surrounded by their siblings and smothered by love. Words like this rubs salt into the wound.

The statement that "miscarriages are common, you can try again" doesn't help either. Nor does @at least it happened early. Obviously something was wrong and nature was doing her thing. It'll be fine next time".

Although often true, it is no less hurtful to hear comments along this line. Even if a pregnancy didn't reach full term, that doesn't make the pain of loss any less for the parent who desperately loved the baby they were waiting to meet. This is not a toy they can replace at the store and it is okay to allow them to grieve their loss.

How can you help make space for parents to grieve and to breathe?

There is no one right way to grieve. Allow people space to move through their pain, be forgiving of behaviours or words that may not be their norm. Be ready to assist them when they need you.

Simply stating, "I'm here for you, just ask" may not help at this time as they probably don't know what they need yet, especially in the early stages.

If you can think of an idea for how you can help, don't wait, just do it. Do you have time to cook a few meals to bring over? Can you take the other kids to give them a break? Can you meet up for coffee or a peaceful walk? Can you shop for them? Can you pick up the phone and ask "How are you doing this week?"

If you can't manage to do all of these things, that's all right. If you simply strive to be there for your loved ones when you can, that's more than enough. Be present as a helper in this time of grief. At this point in time, it is important to provide support, as this is not the time to take your worries to them.

Remind them that, no matter how hard they may be finding it, they can confide in you without saying, 'I'm doing fine,' or, 'I'm alright.' Just because they might appear to be ok doesn't mean they are. So it's important for you to ask about how they really feel, and be open and prepared for whatever answer you get.

Typically, this universal type of grief goes completely unacknowledged and goes unheard because people are at a loss for what to say, or they feel uncomfortable bringing it up in conversation. Acting as if nothing happened and the baby did not exist is the most damaging and painful thing for the parent left behind. Parents who feel this now they must grieve alone and in silence.

Honour and support their journey from day to day at their pace

While still being there for them and not dragging up painful memories every time you talk is important, and tricky if they are not able to manage this or feel ready to take steps away from their immediate grief. Ask again if you are uncertain. Let them be your guide if you are uncertain.

There is no definite time on how long someone should grieve. You cannot determine how long they will grieve. The period of mourning is going to last a lot longer than the weeks or months we normally think of. Grief is always going to be a presence. It is ok to check in on a friend every so often. Though if they seem like they are alright, it does not necessarily mean that they do not occasionally need a kind word and an attentive ear.

Give permission to grieve, but also guidance of who to turn to if you are worried they are not coping.

The baby's birthday, or what would have been, is a good time to check in. Special events usually occur in the first year and the years following. Mothers' and Fathers' Day commemorates their passing. The joy that should be associated with Christmas, Easter, and even their own birthdays will now be tainted with bitterness. Over time, it will hopefully become a bitter-sweet feeling, but those early years are often about surviving and trying to not burden others with their grief, especially if the occasion is globally shared, as is the case with Mother's Day or Christmas.

Check in as these days approach. Don't wait for them to come to you. As the day approaches, ask them how they're doing. What they'd like to do. They may need emotional or practical support during this time. It is especially important for those who have other young children to create joyful memories for them. Just as important to find their own joy in these moments too. The need to step away and grieve as needed is also essential and perfectly normal.

Perhaps you can ask if they need help in the practical planning. Facing the shops and decorations and intense marketing can be hard, and support through this can make an overwhelming experience manageable. It may be some years before they realise, but you simply standing by in these times may create some fond memories in the future, Ones of true friendship. Not at all what this time could be for them, but still so valued and appreciated.

Finally, don't forget that some people may manage their grief in a different way, focusing their energy on their children, work, and the celebration of new milestones as they come up in life. This does not mean they are in denial about their grief. Checking in with your old friend might be beneficial but if they seem genuinely happy, you can let them be. You don't need to spend a lot of time trying to tug on their heartstrings if they're coping well. The important thing is that people handle grief in their own way - it doesn't matter if they don't do it in the same way you do.

Letting go of your own grief as it may come up

Final thoughts on oneself. Due to your supportive nature, you may find yourself grieving, as well. Perhaps for the baby you also loved, or were looking forward to meeting, but also for the friend or sister that you love who is hurting so much. Seeing people you love in such intense pain is HARD. You may have experienced your own loss in the past and this grief may stir up feelings and have them feeling as raw as the day of your own loss.

There is no shame in openly sharing your pain with this person, letting them know that you feel such loss for them. At the same time, important to be a little strong for them too. Finding your own person a little further removed from this relationship to lean on is important. Bottling these feelings up is not fair nor healthy for you. Remember to respect your feelings and honour your needs as well. If the burden is feeling too heavy, there is no shame for you to to turn to some professional support, or honour your need for a little space too.

With that disclaimer in mind, I want to reiterate that I am not trained in mental health work or psychology. I am simply a woman supporting women in a time of their life that should be amazing and special and exhausting and overwhelming for all the right reasons. But sometimes it is not. And no parent wishes for sleep depravation and overwhelm from their crying baby than the parent who suffers both from the silence that could have been.

After years of supporting these Mothers alongside their journey of loss and Motherhood, speaking with them about their needs, I have noticed a common thread of well meant words and offers that fall short at best, and add to the hurt at worst. Of course nothing is ever shared to hurt, simply a grasp at words to try to help those we love in a situation that is impossible.

I am not certain that what I share is advised by mental health workers in perinatal grief. I can only say that this is what I have learned along the way by listening to Mothers who have lost, and what they need. Every single parents journey and loss is real. It deserves to be heard and respected. How they grieve may vary differently. That too deserves respect. Stepping in the best you can will be appreciated. But you too deserve your own respect in what you can manage. Together as a community of women, we can only do our best to stand strong in love and support for the most vulnerable parents in our community. And if you or the people you love are not managing, it is never a bad idea to seek the professional support of perinatal grief workers.

For me, I find weaving mindful practise into short activities in my every day happenings far more successful than trying to sit for long meditations with my eyes closed and body still. Either my mind goes crazy, or I fall asleep. Total novice, right. Plus chronically exhausted. And so my focus is on the simple and achievable. Carried out with acute awareness and appreciation of the joy of that everyday activity. For me this can be just as much a mindful, meditative practise. One that I can achieve. And succeed at. Even as a busy mum!

How to introduce mindful practise into your daily activities:

1. Focusing on a daily activity that you do anyway will set you up for success. The last thig you need to do is introduce one more thing to juggle in your day.

2. Don't 'overthink' it. I mean, a really big aim is to give your mind a break so you can reset, right? So don't get all flustered creating the perfect space/position/ambiance...simply begin where you are at and work with what you’ve got. The more I focus on everything being 'perfect' the trickier it is for my mind to switch off checking and rechecking the level of perfection whilst I am supposed to be focusing on the moment. I mean it is important to find a space that you feel good in, not distracted by the chaos. But perfection focus is a set up for failure.

3. The more time and energy you put in to making this ‘perfect’, the more chance you have of being interrupted. Your time will be used up before you get to appreciate any time out all. For me, my kids will sense from next door, or deep sleep that I am trying to take a moment of peace. AND THEY WILL HUNT ME DOWN!

4. Never EVER lie down Mum. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

Mindful practise can be introduced into different activities in your day. The more you practise, the easier it is to roll into something else. Today, let’s begin with a practise popular across the globe when it comes to slowing down and appreciating the moment. Making and drinking tea is an art form in some cultures. There are a multiple of books on the topic. I must be honest. I have not gone so far as to read the books. We are keeping things simpler than that, and simply focusing on the process, using and adapting to what we have in our own homes.

How to create a simple 'tea meditation':

If you are after tips on a traditional tea meditation as is done in Japan or China, I suggest you return to Google or the books right now. What I am aiming to provide here is some steps in creating a practice revolving around an activity most people do every day. And most mums find themselves living in the "just get me through these next few hours" kind of focus. Tea drinkers will hate me for my next words, I'm sure, but if you're not one (a tea drinker/lover), try substituting with your coffee, or whatever beverage floats your boat. We are focusing on the practise itself, not specifically the beverage.

(Although we do host a herbal tea workshop that may be enough to shift your focus to the tea itself, sharing with you the wisdom of some simple and delicious herbs to safely support a pregnant or breastfeeding Mama (or anyone else) curious in creating and brewing their own fresh blend.)

The aim today is to 'be present' in the simple acts of life. The simple joy of a hot or chilled beverage, often the first real break after a crazy morning that may or may not have started before the sun was up. Find what makes you happy, and what you already do. It will help you succeed in your practice.

So let’s begin. If tea is not your thing, work through the process replacing ‘tea’ with whatever you are working with, and adapt as you go.

Your steps to a simple tea meditation:

1. Pick your timing -

You do not need long, but a few moments without distraction is key. Plan for when your bub is sleeping or if when someone else can watch them. When the toddlers or older kids are happily distracted in play. We're talking 15 minutes here minimum. Longer if you can, but work with what you have. Your ability to grow your time will grow with practise.

2. Prepare your tea-

The goal here is to bring your focus on this one activity alone. Begin with selecting your favourite cup, A spoon. The selection of tea. Inhale it’s aroma as you open the packaging. Be aware as you place your tea in a pot to brew, or teabag in it’s cup. Pay attention to the sound of the water as you fill your kettle or pot on the stove. Inhale the scent of your tea as it brews in the pot, or as you pour the boiling water into your cup. Notice the sound as the water pours in. The steam rising, the smells that fill the air. Be acutely aware of every tiny step it takes to make your tea. When ready, seat yourself in your selected spot. Be sure this is somewhere comfortable. Peaceful. Be sure you can turn your back on the mess and chores you have waiting for you. These do not matter right now.

3. Gratitude-

Before you take a sip, sit quietly. Inhale your tea. Feel its warmth in your hands. The shape of the cup in your hands. Take a moment to give gratitude. Gratitude that no matter the chaos, you have found 15 minutes for YOU. You deserve this. Gratitude that you have been shopping and remembered to buy tea. Gratitude that you have been blessed with an amazing tiny soul. They may make your life crazy, but it really is a magical kind of crazy.

Gratitude is a way of focusing on and appreciating what you have, rather than what you wish you have. Our culture has a habit of ever reaching for that ‘something else’ that will add to our happiness. Gratitude is about realising how much you already have and taking a moment to appreciative for it all. Take it as far as you want. The simple things around you are important too. Do not underestimate the little things. Or the things we take for granted that are kind of really big. Like walking. Or you can sink into a deep spiritual level. Whatever works for you. Sit quietly with those thoughts for a minute or two. As long as feels right for you. I invite you to bring this mindful practise into your daily routine too. Even on the days tea is not on the table. Gratitude on waking or before sleeping is a fabulous habit to get into.

4. Drink your tea-

Mindfully. What does this mean? Be 'intensely' aware of each action. Little sips. Inhale the scent. The taste of the tea. It's smell, the warmth in your mouth. Where in your mouth do you taste it most? Can you separate the flavours (if it is a blend)? The feel of the cup in your hands. It's warmth. Inhale. Deep, calm breathes. Notice the action of your arm, the sound as the cup is set down. Other thoughts will likely come to mind. Acknowledge them, then let them go. Now is not their time for your attention.

5. Sit silently and process-

When your tea is done, just sit. (If you can) Sit with the silence. Notice the sounds around you. Let your thoughts come back in. GRADUALLY. Notice how you feel. Calmer? Or is there another emotion. Are you a little more prepared to jump back on the crazy train. And think about how you can slow all that down. Try not to jump up and race blindly back into chores and activity. Try to hold onto that calm feeling and step into your next activities with this awareness. End as you began. As a mum, first give thanks that you simply got to finish this meditation uninterrupted. If you did not finish this time, do not be discouraged. You will be interrupted some days. That is the life of mum. Do not let this stop you trying again. And again. Until this practise becomes habit and feels simple and manageable. This whole process could take you just 15 minutes. Or an hour if you have it. Simply work with what you have.

If you are not feeling calmer, but perhaps find yourself feeling a little anxious or overwhelmed, please don't assume that this is an awful practice that is all wrong for you. Instead, try to recognise that you have possibly been feeling this way for a while. Possibly you have been keeping yourself crazy busy to help keep 'control' of any negative feelings. To suppress them. Possibly this time of stillness has allowed for these emotions to surface, and this is exactly the right time to address them. To sit with them and feel the feels, as uncomfortable as they may be. Or maybe to pick up the phone and talk to someone. Your partner, or friend, or a total stranger is sometimes easier. You are not alone. Sometimes choosing to write, letting your mind work the pen with no control from your conscious, letting your thoughts pour out. This can all be part of your process.

Being a beginner at all of this, and an anxious over thinker, I would feel irresponsible to not warn you that practicing mindfulness even in small ways can sometimes stir up your suppressed 'stuff'. Which can be daunting, but also incredibly cathartic. It does not mean that this is how you will feel every time. It probably does mean that your mind, body and soul have been needing this more than you realised. Other times you may be left feeling so light you could float, ready to take on your day. Or you may just feel content in your stillness. Your own day and emotions going in may impact your outcome, but stillness and mindfulness tend to bring out what we need at the time.

Do you love tea and want to learn more about how herbal tea can be used to benefit your day? Or perhaps just love the idea of this mindful practise, and are keen to give tea a go just so you can join in? Join us at our Herbal Tea for Two workshop here on the Sunshine Coast. Our workshop is tailored to introduce delicious and beneficial teas for anyone, but with particular focus on these teas being safe for the pregnant and breastfeeding Mama. Meaning everyone is welcome, most especially our new mums and mums-to-be. Check out our event here, or if none are currently running at your time of reading, email me here and ask about our next workshop.

If you are interested in learning more about basic mindful moments, and how you can bring these into your day with a young bub, learn to better to connect with your bub, and connect with other mums' , all over a cup of tea AND morning tea, why don't you take a peak at our Baby Massage program here.

For further questions, please contact : sharon@mamablooming.com.au

Matrescence was coined in the 1970's by Dana Raphael The very real changes that happen each and every time we have a baby have been known about for a long long time in the medical profession. If you take a moment to look back into the support provided to a new Mother in just about every traditional culture across the globe, it is clear…..

Matrescence has been understood and valued since women have been having babies....long before it was given a label.

Traditionally, Mothers are cared for. Be it their first, second or fifth baby, the Mothers Mother or Mother-in-law, her aunties, women in the village, would all come together to care for her. To cook for her. To care for older children. To keep the home in order. To shop. To massage her regularly as a means of restoration and repair. To honour her. To celebrate her. To allow her to sleep. To allow her time to recover. To nourish her. To give her time to find her feet. Learn to breast feed. Get to know her baby.

And yet in our Western culture, the concept is somewhat brushed aside, often replaced with full focus and investment on baby's needs.....Baby Showers and toys and endless groups for baby play......

In recent years there has been a shift where the Mothers needs are becoming recognised again. For many the understanding of the value of supporting matrescence is becoming clear and a return to honouring a Mother, body mind and soul is becoming popular again.

For many others in our Western culture, this term is still a foreign or made up word to them. There is still so many women entering Motherhood alone. Sure, most have their partners. But not so many have the support of true village. Few Mothers or Mother-in-laws have time to move in with mum and bub for 6 weeks and care for her. Many geographically cannot. For many others, this kind of support is not even wanted….or very helpful, depending on the relationship dynamics.

But history and science, and basic observation show that the supported Mother, the nurtured Mother, the honoured Mother will thrive. So….

Why do we diminish the value of supporting Matrescence?

Our Western culture is relatively young. And BUSY!!

It is the last 60-70 odd years that have seen a shift. Birth becoming a medical process to be treated by Drs rather than left in the hands of the midwife and doula, Dr only called in IF there was medical cause. There has been so much growth for women in the working world and becoming recognised as equals (so much more to go), and with that, most women today work, loving their career, others just needing to pay the ever growing bills. There has been a massive shift in the mindset that women belong in the home, to women being a prominent and valued member of our workforce.

How blessed we are to live in these times when we have choice and are valued for who we are, not just for keeping house and having babies.

What I am going to suggest next may sound very controversial, and I beg you to take a moment and hear what I say in the context of Motherhood. I fear that if not, you may interpret my words to suggest the progress we have made as women is wrong. This is absolutely NOT what I am suggesting.

I am however going to go out on a limb and suggest that generations of women working hard to prove our equal worth has had both positive and negative impacts on us. SO MUCH positive in our growth as women accepted in a man’s world.

In the process of this, particularly for our Mothers and Grandmothers, the only way to forge forward was to try to match men step for step. To the point even our fashion has periodically tried to ‘prove our equal’ with the huge shoulder pads becoming popular again from the late 1970’s to early 1990’s. In our battle to force men to see us as their equal, we had to dumb it down a little and make it simple for them to see….in our clothes and haircuts and determination to work every bit as hard.

Except we already had that. Determination to work every bit as hard. The challenge Women had then is that while proving their equal in a man’s works, they were still expected to come home, care for children, keep house and manage all the ‘women’s work’ as well. I believe it was a little later, as the boys raised in these homes were taught equality begins in the home, that boys began to help in the home more too. And so today most men are more helpful in the home and with the children where before women juggled ALL of this whilst also juggling a full time career.

Over these generations, where women fought hard for our equality, I believe there was a mindset shift. A shift that was inevitable if they were to have any chance of succeeding for the future generations (us), and that was to prove they could do it all. And they bloody well did!

But here’s the bit where i suggest we have a negative. Where we did not mean to, and cannot be blamed for the outcome, but we shifted the collective mindset of women to stand completely on their own two feet. To say “I’ve got this” and put on a brave front, even when they are secretly falling apart. They only way to survive and thrive through a period of wowen’s rights that gave us the freedom we have today.

Except there is one time when we are not supposed to say “I’ve got this” and try to do it all alone. And that is Motherhood!

Motherhood was always supposed to be supported by the village

Traditional culture shows us this and finally we are beginning to see the truth ourselves, but still, we have generations of powerfully strong women echoing in our psyche to prove to world we can juggle it all. Because we had to.

But when it comes to Motherhood and Matrescence, believe me when I tell you, if you try to juggle it all, there is a pretty high chance you are going to drop some balls! Or if you maintain the juggle, it will become a pretty mediocre performance as the performance must remain ongoing, one shift rolling into the next, and you will become exhausted. Simply focusing on the basics to keep the balls afloat will become all you can manage. And it will become less fun in the process.

But invite in your village…..then your performance is likely going to pick up in quality and value. You can begin passing those balls between you, throwing in some tricks, sharing what you know, brainstorming together on ways to progress, laughing off mistakes, or perhaps not laughing, but picking up the pieces together. And starting again fresh. Realising that everybody makes mistakes. And that is perfectly okay.

Motherhood is supposed to be shared, and I promise you it is so much more fun when it is.

Matrescence, the transition to Mother, is a time in your life that is incredibly valuable and influential on the entire rest of your life to follow!

There are real structural changes going on in your brain. Physical and hormonal changes in your body. Social changes that impact all of your relationships. With partner, with friends, with family, with older children.

When we are supported and nurtured and these changes are understood and respected and CELEBRATED, then we experience holistic positive shifts that can impact us for life. And our children benefit from our experience.

Conversely, when we are left to juggle all the balls and become exhausted, depleted and/or overwhelmed, this can often lead to deeper problems. Self doubt, anxiety and/or depression. Challenges that none of us deserve in Motherhood, but so often suffer with. Also shifts that can impact us for life…..or take a lot of hard work to recover from.

How do we support Matrescence in our modern world?

It can be really HARD! Especially as often our family live a long way off. Our closest people who we immediately consider our ‘village’ are simply not at hand.

And so we must adapt. We must reach out for our modern village.

Before we can do this, we must first acknowledge that we cannot do everything, and nor should we have to. We must be okay with releasing a generational mindset because our Mothers and Grandmothers and Aunties have paved out way, and made it possible to release it.

We are strong enough to do it all. Absolutely. But we will suffer. And then so will our children. Our stress will eventually reflect on them. And so we must also be strong enough to know when it is time to ask for help. to show them it is okay to ask for help.

We live in a time now where we do not need to prove our equal by trying to do everything a ‘man’ does the way a man does AND juggle everything a ‘woman’ does. Men today were the children of Mothers that taught them equality begins in the home and it is important to share the load. We do not need to wear our shoulder pads anymore.

We do not need to prove we are ‘equal to men’ because we are so much more. We now live in the time when we can re-embrace our feminine, and rather than be ‘equal’ by doing things like a man does, we can be better, by doing things like a woman.

Because we are not only strong enough. We are also soft enough.

Because much of our strength lies in our abilities to not only juggle a heap of balls, but to come together with other women and share the juggle. Share the joy. Share the tears. Embrace the mistakes. Pick up the pieces. Together. Share the knowledge and wisdom. Share the experience! And with that, our performance is so much more than mediocre and ball dropping. It is extraordanary.

And that is what makes us uniquely different.

For these reasons, Matrescence should not be tackled alone. Together we are so much stronger.

How do we embrace matrescence in the best possible way?

• sit in with yourself and think about what is important to you (not what other people tell you is important to them)

• accept help where it is offered

• ask for help where it is needed (food, housework, care with kids, a few hours a week to sleep or have you time)

• outsource where you need to (our modern village is bigger and less personal. outsource help for any of the above. For physical or mental care and repair)

• set up boundaries for the less helpful help (the ‘help’ that tells you what you ‘should’ do regardless of how it makes you feel)

• lean in to Mother groups

• Share the load with other Mothers (lean in as much as you support)

• openly share your experience and wisdom. Others may benefit from what you share. The good, the bad and the ugly.

• Remember that sharing is not telling. No ‘YOU SHOULDS!!” Do not accept them thrust upon you. Do not put them on others. Share, and absorb so that each mother is welcome to take or leave what she wishes. Including you.

• Ask questions

• Trust your instinct

• Do not overly google

• Do not believe everything you see on social media.

• If you are feeling anxious or depressed, steer clear of social media altogether.

• Remember, real women are far more authentic than a social post

Consider a Mother Blessing honour the very beginning of your Matrescence journey

A mother blessing is a sacred ceremony to honour a mother-to-be, the idea born of “indigenous traditions of blessing way ceremonies, historically held for women who were embarking on the journey of birth”. A Mother Blessing is a coming together of women to celebrate the Mother and support her in the birth of her matrescence journey.

Our Western culture has been more about baby showers to shower baby with gifts. A Mother Blessing borrows from the wisdom of traditional culture and generations of knowing what a Mother-to-be needs. It embraces the sacred beliefs of the Blessing way, remembering to focus on honouring the Mother. It is a day where women come together to share stories and wisdom. To share in special practices that bond the group of women (the village) in support of the Mother.

Although I hear of more Mothers that choose a Mother Blessing over a baby shower, many others have not heard of this experience. Others still love the idea, but friends do not live close, or they feel their friends may not understand or appreciate the value of this day. It is these reasons that encouraged me to create a Mama Blessing Retreat. A day that is inspired by the traditional modern Mother blessing where friends come together to support and honour one pregnant Mama. The Mama Blessing Retreat instead invites ALL pregnant Mamas to come together for one very special day. To connect and begin to grow your Mama tribe. To honour yourself as you prepare to be Mother. Or Mother again.

This day is packed full of wonder:

• prenatal yoga

• other mama connection

• knowledge and wisdom shared around birth, postpartum, physical and mental health, (changes and repair), relationship changes and more

• sound healing

• lunch and snacks throughout

• a beautiful gift bag

• 
  

This day is 100% about supporting the pregnant Mama and preparing her for her Matrescence.

Our very next retreat fast approaches. July 17. If you are curious, or know a Mama who might me, check this link to learn more about our sacred retreat. Xx

Mama Blessing Retreat

Mothers Day is supposed to be about showing gratitude to the Mama for all that she does. A day where we in invite community care into her life. Her family. Her friends. Her wider community to support her needs, to fill her cup and to remind her that she is valued. Right? Yet sometimes it just end up being an added chore for mum. Especially when the kids are little. She finds herself running around trying to find that perfect something for her own Mum or Mum-in-Law. Getting the kids in gear to write a card or draw a picture or make something special. Not to mention often picking up a little something for herself so the kids can wrap it and give it back. Which kind of defeats the purpose of her getting to enjoy her own special day. It's not necessarily that the Dad's aren't trying, but, well how do we put this...marketing and expectations (and life) can be pretty overwhelming when one gets out there trying to find the 'perfect' present. And often, the best of intentions can lead to some fairly ummmmm...."you know" kinda gifts. The fact that the day is focused on the ‘gift’ as the message of love says a lot in itself.

I have heard one mum announce “Mothers Day should be the day that she just gets up, walks out the door. ALONE. And gets to do whatever she wants. No kids attached. No responsibility." No doubt many of you might be thinking that's a bit much, and that you really love the day out with your bub/kids. Which is awesome. I do too. What this mum was basically trying to say is that what she wants and deserves, as we all do, is for some time to herself to just be HER! She wants her partner to take full responsibility and let her step back. She does not want to have to organise food, and clothes, and get the kids ready and her ready, and manage the kids and their overstimulated selves, all in the name of everyone saying "Thanks mum for all that you do. You are really special, and you really deserve a break". Cos that's kinda not a relaxing day for her.

So, just in case you are secretly thinking 'Amen Sista', and would like a bit of her wish come true on your Mothers day, or perhaps another day soon after, I have collated a bunch of other gentle but clear suggestions that I have gleamed from my wider village of mamas of what we might really wish for this Mothers Day. Feel free to forward this message onto your partner for some 'gentle' guidance. ‘Gifts’ that are more about value, less about marketing.

A letter to your partner

Dear Partner,

This Mothers Day is fast approaching (days away now), and you may be thinking about wanting to buy her a gift to celebrate the day. Because she loves you, and does not know how to put it, please let me save you anguish by clarifying a few things. We mums in general are in want and NEED of some pretty simple stuff, Not much of it you can buy in a Mothers Day sale. All of it will be valued and any of it will go to making her day that much more special.

We DO NOT want a bunch of Mothers Day marketing ‘stuff’ just because it's Mothers Day

I am aware that every single store is trying to tell you that we do, but the truth is, unless you know that she does want something specific, there is a good chance that everything else will be something more she needs to be grateful for, wear, carry or display. That she will love because she loves the people that gifted it to her, but otherwise...meh.

Unless she has made it very clear that she does need something, she probably DOES NOT need pyjamas, cheap jewellery, or even expensive jewellery (although she might if you were thinking along this line), a new handbag, clothes she did not choose, shoes or some ornament to display. Because the chances are one of the reasons that she love you IS NOT your impeccable fashion sense in regards to any of the above (no offense), nor the perceived fashion sense of the Mothers Day craze Sales. She loves you for far more important qualities.

A last minute gift of roadside flowers & chocolate screams after thought

Okay, for me, there is never a bad time for chocolate. And some of the roadside flowers are gorgeous, and offer bouquets that are outstanding. But we do not want it to feel like an after thought or forced action. Like the only thought and effort into your message of “we value you and all that you do” involved you taking five to pull to the side of the road on the way home. Instead, take five to think about all the small actions that she does throughout the year that collate to make your home what it is. Reflect on that and ask yourself how you can in turn say thank you.

What would completely float her boat this Mothers Day?

We would love to be treated to a day out with our family without being responsible for the logistics of making it happen!

If you could plan it, pack the picnic or book a favourite venue, pack the nappies, the change of clothes (for when someone falls into a creek or something), and manage the kids all day so she can chill, you have nailed the brief. This day can be as financially free or expensive as you wish. The $$ value does not reflect the value of the gift. The value comes in the time spent together and your effort to see that she can enjoy it without having to plan and manage everything. And this day does not end the moment you get home. Helping to UNPACK the car, hang out wet clothes, clean up the picnic, bathe and put the kids to bed, or run a bath for mum and send her to bed. The whole day is her gift and it is priceless.

Oh and remember to take photos for her please. With her actually in the picture, not behind the camera. I promise you this really really matters. I put this up top because it's my favourite kind of day out, and love it when my man organises it for me.

What we wouldn't give not to feel tired!

Although we may absolutely love the idea of spending Mothers Day with the family, or visiting our own mums, we are completely open to a 'claim it later' kinda gift that aims to top up our energy tank. This could actually cost you nothing in $$, but will ask for commitment from you and the kids to make it happen. Maybe you could get the kids to draw up vouchers or a gift card, something like sleep in for a month of Sundays, or Tuesdays Nights = Early Night. Whatever creative plan you come up with would be amazing, but please don't let there be fine-print such as "on the condition that you have breakfast/dinner ready, and all school lunches for the next day done."

Noooo Daddy. What we are talking about is Mama Bear legitimately signing off early, and you stepping into her shoes and getting it all done for her. The only fine-print condition need be that "I Mama Bear, am willing to accept that you will get it done, and even though it is different to how I would do it. I understand that you are perfectly capable. I trust you to do the job without looking over your shoulder, or commenting because it is not how I would do it. I understand that there is more than one way to get stuff done, and it is no fun for you if I go and critisize everything that you try to do*.

Let's be honest Mama's, we can be guilty of this. He's not going to be willing to persist if he's feeling judged about everything he's trying to do.

It is easy to forget who you are as Mother. Help her find a piece of herself.

The thing is, no mater how much we love to be with you and the kids (and we really really do), we cannot help feeling a little smothered at times. We all find ourselves wondering where that lady went that used to live in this body BC (Before Children). Our interests are shelved for a while as our hearts and hands are filled with babies. But our interests are still there! Renewing an old hobby, or beginning a new one we may have expressed interest in would be Ahmaaaazing! Sport, art, music - Would you consider gifting a workshop, or season, or semester (that's generally 10 weeks) of weekly "me time" in something that can help her focus completely on herself again?

Or you could make it as simple as sending her out with the girls for a guilt free day/night out.

*Tip - The guilt often comes from within her, not because of anything you do. Can you help her to release it? Remind her she will be a better Mother, better example to her children if she is showing them she is embracing her passions and living her best life. She will also be a better partner and person. Because happiness in pursuit of passion makes us all a better person.

We need you to encourage us to invest in better self care?

Continuing on with the message about investing in herself, lets consider what self care may look like for Mum. And why it is likely neglected. In general, too many of us feel guilty if we even consider doing something for ourselves. We need you to remind us we deserve it. To remind us we need it, if we are to be the best version of ourselves. Once again the results: We will be happier. We will be energised. We will have more enthusiasm. For everything. Including YOU!

Time is also a factor as making time for herself can be the most difficult component to self care for many mums. And so self-care may take some community care. Your ‘GIFT’ begins with thinking about how you can help her make the time available. Can you step in where needed? Can you organise a sitter (paid or family or friends) to step in for a regular gig to give mum some regular time to invest in herself.

In choosing what self-care may look like for the Mum in your world, it takes consideration of her unique self, her interests and her needs. Choose wisely by thinking about what that may be. Was there a time she went to weekly yoga and loved it? Does she love meditation and would love a retreat? Is she a suppressed 80's Rock fan that is slowly dying under the barage of Wiggles and kids tunes who needs to hit a regular cover band at the local pub? Or does she just need to know that you know every Saturday Morning Mummy gets to take a walk/drive, and enjoy an hour to herself, completely uninterrupted, to do anything she wants. Is she suffering in pain, and in need of a massage? Maybe even regular massage for a while (perhaps monthly) to help manage her pain) Does she need one night a week, every week, to soak in a bath, oils diffusing, wine in one hand, book in another. Once you find her 'thing', this weekly top up to her mind and body could be the perfect gift. And once again the financial budget is dependant and separate to the priceless value in the thought you put into this and actually making time for it.

Introduce a new family tradition

Is there something the mum in your life has been wanting to introduce, encourage or solidify in your home? If so this this is the perfect time to show her you are listening and value her wish. I mean the wish itself may not mean much to you, but if it does to her, helping her make this possible makes it all the more special. And you might just learn to love it yourself. Gift her with a voucher promising a new tradition. Dinner round the table with no tv. Monthly date nights, just the 2 of you. Monthly Sunday day dates with your kids, 1 on 1. Friday night beach picnics to begin your weekend. Games night (technology free). Only you know what feels right for your family. And if you aren’t sure, why not ask.

We love when our kids put in the effort to make us something. We love it love even more to know that you put in the effort to instigate it!

What else can I say? School and kindy crafts are amazing and mums love them, but the kind of creation you and the kids would make together will have it's own unique stamp and a place in the heart forever. Especially if you clean up all the glue and glitter later. Unlike school crafts, when you choose to do this together, you can tailor the crafting to really focus on the individual woman! As your children grow, glitter and glue can be replaced by wood and hammers or paint or garden beds or whatever your imaginations come up with when thinking about mum.

It would be so nice to appreciate a clean house, without having to do it!

Not only would it say, without words, how much you appreciate what we do, but to wake up to, or step in to a tidy home, washed floors, an empty laundry basket, as in washed folded AND PUT AWAY clothes, and/or kids rooms tidied are the kinds of things that send a wave of gratitude through us that melts all tension. You may find everyone benefits here. If you are time poor or FIFO, perhaps a regular cleaner may be a consideration.

PS. This should not only be for Mothers Day. If your family does not already pull together to help in the home, Mothers Day is the perfect time to make a promise that this will become a new family norm.

Say it, and show that you MEAN IT!

When you NOTICE that she has cleaned up, that the kids are organised and ready to go out the door, that she has coordinated their extra-curricular, managed dinner on the table, and that she happens to look effortlessly and casually hot (hint: that's when she has clean hair, and clean clothes on, because you love her for her, not her outfit), please let her know that you noticed. Let her know that you notice all the little things that she does to make your house a home, and your family happy. It takes a hell of a lot of effort to maintain the standard level of mess that families with children live in. If we actually did nothing, believe me, it would be so much worse. Tell her you notice and appreciate it. Better yet, find little ways to SHOW HER. Raising kids is like signing up to a degree in Time Management. Getting anywhere on time deserves a freakin' ribbon.

Please let her know you are grateful for all her background work so you can throw on your shorts and shirt, and wander to the car. Better yet, ask, "What can I do to help us get out the door?"

When we are Stay At Home Mums in this modern society, it can be a very difficult thing to go from being completely indapendant working women, to stepping into a more traditional role of housewife. We need you to remember we are a team, and that what we do, caring for OUR children is equally, if not more important. Please build us up and remind us how special we are.

When we are Working Mums, and feel the pressure of juggling our job or business, and maintaining a home and balance of family life, we need you to remember that we are a team, and share the house load so we have equal limited, but precious time with our children. Please build us up and remind us how special we are.

 PS. this again is more a tip for year round better communication and family relations. If it is not already happening, let this day be the first of your new norm. Recognition and appreciation.

Mothers Day is supposed to be about showing gratitude to the Mama in your life. Celebrating her awesomeness. Your efforts and attentions will ALWAYS trump anything a Mothers Day sale can offer. The added bonus- most these suggestions will give you more valued one on one time with your kids and your whole family. It's like a gift to the whole family.

Wherever you may be at in your journey, glowing and in ease, a little uncomfortable, or in down right pain, at some stage you may have considered a pregnancy massage. I sure hope you have. For many, massage is lumped straight into the luxury items basket, and certainly it is a wonderfully luxurious experience. Or it should be. If you are blessed with a glowing pregnancy and little discomfort, making time for massage is so beneficial in general maintenance and body balance, preparation for birth, and beginning habits of self care to ensure you are your best self. As Mother, partner and woman.

But did you know that massage is also incredibly beneficial in helping to relieve (or at the very least manage) SO MANY pregnancy concerns.  Having been practiced for centuries – long before medical intervention was common place in pregnancy and birth – pregnancy massage, a combination or luxurious relaxation AND remedial release as required is a fantastic inclusion in your pregnancy (and postpartum) care plan. 

With increasing knowledge of the pregnant body and benefits of massage during pregnancy, trained pregnancy massage therapists can deliver specialised treatments at a time when your body is changing rapidly. Holistic in the care of your body, mind and heart.

If you are questioning if pregnancy massage is right for you, in almost every case, the answer is likely yes. Let's look at some reasons why.

Pregnancy massage provides relief from the aches, stresses and hormonal imbalances throughout your pregnancy journey.

As long as you are tired, stressed, in pain, sleeping poorly, suffering headaches or feeling down, you cannot possibly present your best self to your partner, children or the world. And most importantly, not to yourself or your growing baby. Welcome a specialised pregnancy massage therapist into your village support network and you’ll experience a number of benefits.

The benefits of pregnancy massage include relief from:

• Headaches

• Muscle pain and cramping

• Sciatic pain

• Lower back pain

• Symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD) 

• Oedema (fluid retention causing swelling, often in your feet, lower legs or joints)

• Lack of sleep

• Stress hormone

• General anxiety or PNDA
  

Pregnancy massage is not only about a delightful experience AND improving your quality of life. 

• Pregnancy massage is also important in preparing you for birth

Every pregnancy is different and if you experience any of these symptoms, your quality of life can be affected at a time that should be so special. Below we’ve explored the benefits of pregnancy massage in more detail, so you can decide whether is right for you..

Hormone and mood regulation  

We all hear about baby brain and the mood swings experienced during pregnancy, but until you actually experience being pregnant, you don’t fully understand the way hormones affect your mood.

Many women seek out pregnancy massage for pain relief and – as a very welcome added bonus – they often experience improved sleep, improved mood and reduced stress as well. This is because the nervous system is stimulated in a relaxing way through regular massage. Studies have shown that as a result of this stimulation, your oxytocin (happy hormones) increase and stress hormones decrease.

When this happens, the nervous system is calmed, moods are regulated and stress levels reduce (for both you and your baby). Evidence also shows that when stress is reduced, the health of both mother and baby benefits as a result.

Ann Borders (MD, MPH, MSc) is an OB/GYN at Evanston Hospital, North Shore University Health System in Chicago. Speaking to WebMD, she said: "There are some data to show that higher chronic stressors in women and poor coping skills to deal with those stressors may be associated with lower birth weight and with delivering earlier."

This type of research commonly appears in medical journals, so if you pregnant right now, take a moment to ask yourself what you are doing to keep your stress levels under control.

For some women, things can be a little more intense than just some general raised stress. Some women enter pregnancy already familiar with managing true anxiety or depression, and things can escalate with the thought of preparing for a new baby. For others, inexperienced with PNDA (Perinatal Depression and Anxiety), it can hit early in pregnancy, not only for Mums-to-be, but some Dads too!!  Although true anxiety and/or depression can not be 'fixed' with massage, certainly massage can be beneficial in helping your mind, body and hormonal rebalancing. Boosting oxytocin. Calming stress hormones. Allowing you time to switch off. Disconnect. Heal. Rest.

At the same time I encourage you to reach out for the care you need (there are a number of mental health workers who specialise in perinatal care, because it is common, unfair to you, and deserving of care.

Relief from physical aches and sciatic nerve pain

Regular massage has been shown to relax and ease strained muscles while your body changes. Added weight, stretched muscles and ligaments, increased blood and fluids, and pressure on internal organs all culminate in a feeling of general discomfort. Or pain.

Often felt in the lower back, hips, butt or mid to upper back and neck. A combination of your pregnancy, and your normal body stresses will map your body for it's own unique niggles. By releasing tensions and lengthening tight muscles massage can be a powerful tool in managing your needs.

Sciatic pain is a common pain in the butt in pregnancy

When pregnant, as your pelvis shifts and muscles are strained, many a Mama finds aches and pains in the lower back, hips and/or buttocks. This may be general pain, which massage can be amazing at aiding relief. Or it may be more specific. With all the shifts, the sciatic nerve can often be compressed creating sciatic pain, pain radiating from you lower back, and most commonly in through your hips, butt and down the back of your leg. Occasionally down the front of your leg too. Generally one side of your body will suffer more feeling a burning or shooting pain  that begins in your butt or lower back and radiates down. Sometimes you may feel numbness in the back of your leg too. Releasing the muscles around the nerve in your hips and butt can ease the pressure and reduce if not completely eliminate this pain.

Image from "The osteopathy partnership, UK)

Symphasis Pubic Dysfunction (SPD) is no fun!

Pain in the very front of your pelvis tends to intensify as your baby grows and adds pressure to your pelvis. As your pelvis prepares for birth, your body releases relaxin (hormone to soften and relax your ligaments in preparation for birth). The joint between your left and right pelvic bones (pubic symphysis) right at the very front of your pelvis allows for more movement than usual. Depending on severity and cause (there may be different reasons this has flared up for you in pregnancy), pain relief can often be managed throughout your pregnancy journey with massage. It is important your therapist understands SPD and how to help you manage it.

A tailored pregnancy massage relaxes muscles, relieves knots and adds space where it is needed.

Massage can also be used to encourage general movement in your joints, release tension in your hips and glutes (you’ll be surprised how much tension you hold in your booty). Isolating and releasing individual muscles in your hips and gluteals can help to manage a number of uncomfortable (or downright painful) issues.

 Following massage, pregnant women commonly experience improved sleep, ease in body aches, including hips and butt, relief of heartburn and easing in shortness of breath due to increased space around the ribcage.

Decrease in fluid retention and swelling (Oedema)

Pregnancy puts an increased load on your circulation, which results in swelling and fluid retention in your joints.

This happens because blood and fluid return from the feet to heart is slower when the body is working overtime while at the same time your body fluids have increased to nurture you and your baby.. The most common symptom of this is swollen feet. Fluid also builds up in joints because of an increase in blood flow and pressure experienced by major blood vessels.

Regular massage during pregnancy stimulates both the circulatory and lymphatic systems, increasing blood flow back to the heart and removing any build-up of waste and toxins, helping to manage fluid retention.

Some fluid retention is common for many in pregnancy, although sometimes oedema can point to more concerning issues. It is important that your massage therapists is trained in pregnancy massage and so will understand the difference and how to help...be it massage, or referral to your health practitioner.

Enhanced mental clarity and acceptance

Pregnancy can be a mix of excitement, nervous tension, fear, discomfort and stress – sometimes all at once. Your body goes through huge physical change, it becomes overloaded with hormones and the biggest change of your life is just around the corner. So it’s no wonder most pregnant women feel overwhelmed at times!

Regular massage helps you to become more aware of your ever-changing body. Through better awareness and acceptance, you can become more comfortable and connected with all the changes that are taking place.

During pregnancy massage, we help you to relax into your pregnancy and aid in preparing your body to carry your baby and to prepare for birth, and beyond, into your postpartum.

Massage not only relieves physical stresses, but also mental anxiety, so that your baby is already learning from you how to relax and be calm. This in turn encourages your mother-baby bonding before your little one has even left the womb.

Pregnancy massage is also important in preparing you for birth and beyond.

With every pregnancy massage visit to Mama Blooming, extra time is allowed for each visit to chat as you need. To determine where you are at physically* and mentally*. How supported you feel. How to set up your support network, and how to begin focusing on what you need to feel prepared for birth and beyond. 

Once on the table releasing and relaxing muscles, massage helps to bring balance to your body in preparation for birth. The more balanced you are, with least muscle tightness and restrictions the more your baby is able to settle into the best possible position in preparation for birth. The aim....a progressive birth without intervention. 

*It is important to note that I am neither doctor, midwife nor mental health worker. Our discussions are general in how you are feeling and important in my care for you. Here is where I can determine if I need to bring any particular release work into your treatment for the day. It may even determine if I feel you should check in with your health provider before treatment (rest assured this in very rare). If however you feel you need more support physically or mentally it is important that you reach out for the appropriate care. This is part of the reason we chat. Sometimes it helps to open up, and I can help to guide you in the direction that feels right for you if you feel the need.

How can a pregnancy massage help you?

Rarely is pregnancy massage NOT right for a Mama-to-be. As long as you are engaging with a therapist trained in pregnancy massage, you can feel assured that they will recognise if you fall into that rare category. Their intensive client intake form and consult prior to your treatment will identify, but let me promise you this. The chance of you NOT completely enjoying and benefiting from a treatment is pretty darn rare. Whatever the discomforts you may be feeling in pregnancy, mind body or heart, a tailored pregnancy massage can help you to experience relief. And if you are already feeling amazing, it can only boost you to a higher lever.

As mums, we know what it’s like to be pregnant, uncomfortable, tired and overwhelmed at times. We also know how incredibly exciting and magical this time is (or should be), as you start to nest and prepare to welcome a little person into the world. Juggling pregnancy as well as the demands of daily life adds that extra level of pressure to life, and that’s why time out on the massage table becomes invaluable.

Massage helps every woman in different ways and we offer massages for 90 and 120 minutes, depending upon the level of relief you require. Contact Sharon for more information.

Being healthy is SO MUCH MORE than just not being sick! It is a holistic thing. It is about caring for ALL aspects of your life. It is about leaning in and asking for or accepting help in any parts that need a little support. It is about looking after YOU and honouring every part of your life.
Every week!
Year in and year out!

Does that sound overwhelming to you and leave you freaking out because deep down you know this is not happening right now? Because you feel like a hot mess and have no idea where to begin?

Please don't freak out. I will be completely honest and say that I am not on top of every part of my life. Few people are. Balls get dropped, and that is part of life. Certainly part of Motherhood. If you are a new mum...well there's only so many balls you can juggle. So go easy on yourself. This is not about adding MORE pressure to your daily life. It is about taking a little time to slow down, and do a little audit on you and your holistic health. And to see where you can try to boost yourself. To consider HOW you might even begin. 

Let me tell you, unless you are that full on, gung ho get things done kinda gal who jumps in with both feet and begins running, then the other best way to begin is one tiny step in front of the other. Slowing down. Looking at the big picture. Deciding what is important to you and what one thing you can do to begin shifting. Growing. Improving on your health.

I have just had a break from work, play, social media, social life and even caring for my own kids with my own health challenge these last few weeks (minor, non catchy & all well again). But those days in bed unable to move, near 2 weeks unable to focus on any screen to work in any way gave me time to think. Like seriously THINK!

About my health & how I take advantage of it.

About what happens to my day to day life when/if I am not well. (Or wht does NOT happen)

About how much I neglect what I could be doing when well & how I really do take it for granted. Which is kind of hypocritical considering my role is to support women and encourage you to CARE FOR YOUR HEALTH!!

Body! Mind! And soul!
And so I ask you now, as I have been doing these last few weeks,  to sit in and listen to all three.

How is your whole body health?

If your body hurts, or does not function properly, listen to it. Rest. Repair. Yes, you may be pregnant, or have just had a baby, or be chasing after toddlers with little time to yourself, but I want you to stop for a minute and consider what is normal and okay to accept in your life. And what you deep down know needs help.

Lot's of times mums go to a Dr after they have their baby, concerned about how their body is functioning...or NOT functioning....and they are told "you just had a baby. What do you expect. Welcome to your new you".

Here's the thing, your body has changed. It has grown an entire human. There will be shifts and it is important to recognise this and be comfortable with your beautiful new Mama you.

BUT....that does NOT MEAN you need to blindly accept in your body what you KNOW does not feel right! If you have weakness or injury after birth in your pelvic floor, you do not have to live with this forever. Sometimes there is long term damage for a Mama, but most often, there is so much room for repair and strengthening. There is so much help available to you and you should NOT just expect or accept these changes as an inevitable process in Motherhood. It certainly does not hurt to seek a professional opinion with an experienced pelvic health physio.

The same goes for ongoing pain in your body. Your back, neck or shoulders.....perhaps you need help with your posture, strengthening your core, massage to release tension from holding your bubba in this same position. Physio or gradual supported exercise to repair and strengthen your body before racing back into your pre baby exercise regime.

Are you ALWAYS tired....Yes, sleepless nights and early mornings are a factor, but often it is more than that. It is about a profound depletion as you live on cups of tea or coffee, snacky foods and whatever you can manage...perhaps the leftovers off your toddlers plate. Filling your body with nutritious food and hydration is SO IMPORTANT. It does not need to be difficult. It does not need to be complicated recipes, or crazy expensive ingredients. Food IS medicine. Simple clean, healthy, delicious food.

Recipes are a plenty online, and I am working hard to release my own recipe book in support of this. Simple, healthy affordable recipes. Limited by your imagination. and your supplies at home. I will explain to you how you can adapt a recipe to suit your tastebuds or dietary requiremnets. How to use base healthy delicious, nutritious recipes....and to make them your own. If this sounds like something that might interest you, simply email me on sharon@mamablooming.com.au and I will put you on the list to let you know when the book is ready. You can decide for yourself at the time if it is something you want. 

Perhaps you are not a cook, and prefer to have pre-made meals delivered. There are some excellent companies out there doing just that. How ever, wherever you find your food, think about how you can combine comfort with valuable nutritious boosts to your body. So you can boost your energy and lift the fog.

If you need it, seek support in repair through whatever therapist you need. Massage, physio, chiro, physical training, dietition or nutritionist or anything else that resonates with you and your needs.

Your Mental load MATTERS!

If your mind is heavy, sluggish, sad, angry or tired, beyond what feels right for you, be kind to yourself. Stop and check in.  Listen. Is this heaviness new...ish? How long has it been going on? Are these feelings overwhelming your day? Are you here, in this state more often than not? 

There may be so many factors influencing how you feel. The energy of the world is so heavy, it can be easy to get wrapped up in it and carry it's load. You may be exhausted or nutritionally depleted, and yep, that can effect how you think and feel too. You may just be feeling the pull from all directions. As you fill everybody elses cup, are you remembering to replenish your own....because if not, you will run out eventually. Or if you really listen in, do you feel it could be something more?

What have you tried to lift your mental state?

It could be a case of some simple self care. Studies show exercise is incredibly important, and as you exercise, your body boosts endorphins and can lift your mood.

Are you someone who meditates?  Have you shelved this practise at this busy point in your life? (If you are not, and would like to, I beg you,  start small. Training yourself to meditate is hard enough when life is calm, much less when you have tiny humans seeking out your every quiet moment)

Meditation does not need to be an hour long process. The stress of finding an uninterrupted hour might end up having more negative effects than the hopeful positive benefits of meditation if you find that juggle too unrealistic. Just a few moments can still be replenishing. THe simple act of mindful daily activities is a great start if meditation at all seems a stretch.

If you are not sure how to begin and have active babies or young children, watch them to learn. The way they focus on an activity or play they are involved with is generally 100% mindful. This is why small children sometimes seem to ignore you. If they are in the middle of something 'important' (anything they are interested in), they are so mindfully focused that they often simply do not hear you. So next time you make a cuppa, go for a walk, sit on your deck or take a shower, make an effort to be present. LIsten to the sounds, smell the smells, feel the sensations, taste the air, observe what you see, hear, taste touch and smell. And then take note of how that process has an effect on your mind and how you are feeling. A simple disconnection fron 'everything' in the day to day chaos to focus for just a few moments on the simplest of activities can be a powerful process. And let me warn you, it takes practise. So keep trying with simple daily tasks.

Have you looked at your body's nutritional intake. We've already talked about that in how you feel physically, but it is equally as important to how you feel mentally.

If your heart and soul feel burdened, what do you need to do to care for you? Slow down? Get back into nature? Set up boundaries to people/environments that cause toxicity in your space? Lean into people or environments that bring you joy?  Try something new that you have always wanted to? Speak to someone? Find YOUR spirituality? Be that religion, Mother Earth, Jedi or something else. Find what makes your heart sing.

These are just a few simple practises and ideas, and there are many more, but if you have tried some or all and still feel no difference, or if you know deep within yourself something just feels 'not right', then perhaps this is something more. If this feels like something that right now feels bigger than you, perhaps it is time to speak to someone.  Your partner or friend, sure? But maybe it is time to consider some more professional help too.

Chatting with your GP and reaching out to a mental health worker may be just what you need right now.  There are so many out there wanting to help you. Mental health challenges should no longer raise feelings of shame or fear. But they can. Please know that there are so many amazing people on this planet who seek support in their mental health. It does not make them any less amazing. Sit in with yourself and listen. If you feel you need help, it does not make you any less amazing. It makes you brave and strong and responsible in your choice to help yourself be well.

How is the health of your relationships?

There is no avoiding it. Relationships are ever changing, and if you have a young family, or are preparing for one, this is more true than ever. With your partner, your children, your Mother or MIL, your sister or friends? Some grow and evolve. Others...well.... Do you sense strains, or downright damage? Can you repair? Can you communicate to repair? Do you want to repair? Because to do so you must be brave and willing to communicate.

Perhaps just the two of you speaking, perhaps begin writing a letter. Perhaps leaning into a 3rd person to help you if you need it? Or perhaps, for some of those relationships it may be time to let go. People come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. Perhaps their reason has come and gone? Perhaps their season is over? Perhaps choosing to let go will open you to create space to let in the relationships you need and deserve. Of course knowing when it is time to let go or when it is time to heal can be tricky, as both are so hard, and must be for the right reasons, not for ease alone brecause things are tricky in this moment.

If the relationship challenges are with your children, it is certainly trickier. It is time to look beyond the struggles into yourself, and to your child (no matter their age) and decipher the why? Are you open in your relationship, encoraging of them growing into their person, not who you want them to be? Are they feeling heard? And loved?

Are you hurting from your own past and this hurt impacting your relationship? Is your child going through something and their 'coping' results in you being their safe space and dumping ground? It is nice to know that you are their safe space, not so fun to be the dumping ground. Can you help them through this? Or yourself through this? Can you find a way to communicate? Or do you need to lean in to someone to help you find your way and heal? There is no shame and all smarts to lean in if you need.

What about your partner? As with all relationships, communication is key. Both in words, respect, interest and physical connection. And sometimes this can all get mucked around, particularly when your family is young.  You both matter and you both deserve to connect as you need. You both deserve and should feel good about those connections. If you do not, can you communicate? Repair? Grow? Do you need to reach out for support to help you find your way through this rough patch?

Or do you need to let go? I implore you, if you are in the early years of babies, and feel an inkling of 'let go', slow down a moment, take some breaths. Think about how things were before bub/s came into your life. If you were strong and in love then, and feel shifts now, there is a good chance that this is just part of the messy teething of parenthood. It is so important to try a few things first before giving up. Do not make huge decisions quickly while your whole life feels unsteady. It is part of the parenthood process.

Communication first! (unless your relationship is truly toxic (you know what I mean), then please, LET GO. Ask for whatever help you need, and let go).

But if it is just about disconnection and maybe too many arguments, consider first trying to reconnect. To communicate. Ask for help if you need it. There are many a strong relationships that have been shaken to their foundations with the addition of young babies for a few years. It takes more than love - strength, courage, communication, support, time, space, healing and growth and patience to survive those early years. But I promise if you love this person, talk to them and let them talk to you. Gives yourselves a chance. Open up your lines of communication.  Work together to help each other feel seen and heard. Your relationship can be stronger again (stronger than it was before) once through these early years, if you both want it and work for it.

Even if your relationship is feeling a bit dull, don't wait until you feel uncertain. Begin reconnecting today. One tiny step at a time.

How is the health of your work life?

Are you working right now, or an at home mum? Do you need to get back to work. Or do you want to get back to work? Do you feel angst or guilt around work? Not wanting to go back? Or wanting to go back? Do you still want to do the same work you did before you had your babies? Because there are MANY Mamas who change their profession as they become a Mother. Or are you back at a job you hate because you need the income? Is your head a whirlwind of confusion when you think about work and babies?

Ideally, you should love what you do when you work, children or not. You will spend most your adult life working, so if there, try to find a way into something you truly love. It may take time and gradual transition or study, but I try to tap into what brings you joy, and think about how you can get paid to do what you love. 

If you already love your job and it makes you happy, that is so wonderful.  Do you feel torn because you want to go back although your bub is still young? Know it does not make you a bad mum to want to go back to work.  It may even make you a better mum if you are happier because you are doing what you love. There is no right or wrong here.

There is just thinking about where you are at, working or not. If you need to be, or want to be. And how you can make the most of this, or shift from it if it makes you unhappy. Maybe not immediately, but if you can focus on a goal that brings joy, and work gradually toward it so that your work-life balance and happiness feels like a healthy factor in your life.

Your health is so much more than not being sick. Your health is holistic, and if any one of these parts of your life feel burdened or unwell, it is important that you tend to them. Maybe not all at once....definitely not all at once. That just sounds like too much! Bit by bit lady, in small manageable chunks. At your pace. It does not matter how slow, as long as you can see gradual shifts toward a healthier, and so happier you. 

And remember that it is perfectly okay to lean into someone who can help you tend to any part of your life that you feel needs support or growth. Because NO ONE can manage everything alone!

PS. I am working on a new project supporting the new Mamas (and especially the Mamas-to-be) in their holistic health. I will soon be releasing an online course helping Mamas consider all of these components of their health and more. How it is impacted, how in may change, be hurt, can heal, grow and evolve as as she transitions from maiden to Mama, or Mama again. If you are pregnant (or know someone who is) and want to really begin considering YOUR wellbeing in preparation for your postpartum, drop me an email on sharon@mamablooming.com.au and I'll let you know when it's up and running. The very first course will be offered to a few special Mamas at a very reduced rate, and it would be an honour to have you join us. Coming very soon. 

But for today, sit in with you. Body, mind and soul, and feel into what you need to feel healthier. (Chances are you already know) And then be brave lady. Take just ONE. SMALL. STEP! Xx